Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
