I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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