First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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