I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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