like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
