That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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