I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's Friday. Sex?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
