I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
