why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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