we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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