at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
