Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
