Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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