I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
