A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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