sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
