I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
