This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
