ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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