At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
