Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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