Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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