I'm gonna have a badass scar
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
