Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
