I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize