Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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