i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
