He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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