so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
