we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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