We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
