I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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