We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
