he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
