thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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