At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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