i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
