She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
