oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize