just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
