Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
