For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
