the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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