So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
