Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
