yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
