A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
