you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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