I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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