Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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