Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
