I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
