I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
