Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
