there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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