she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize