forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
