If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
