I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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