You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
