What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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